Today in class we were discussing those who console you. There are many different ways to console someone, and also many people who we go to for different consolation depending on the situation. One of my classmates brought up mothers. The thought of mothers consoling you is fairly common to assume. It’s common to believe we can console our mothers and they can console us. It’s easy to believe they are the ones who truly “know” us the best and are always willing to comfort us. They appear to be unconditionally loving and supportive; however, that’s not always the case unfortunately.
I had a friend my sophomore year of high school who wasn’t fortunate enough to have the all loving mother that most can relate to. He was “stuck” with his mother as he would often say. I would scold him for even saying such a thing considering the fact that I was without a mother and would do anything just to hear her voice again. He would tell me I didn’t understand and that I was very lucky not to be familiar with the idea of a mother who didn’t love me for me. I later discovered that my friend was gay. He was barely opening up to his friends and was hesitant to extend the news to his family. After I spoke to him about his self worth and how he would feel relieved and confident if he just said it he finally got the nerve to tell his parents. As he predicted they were devastated. I told him time would heal. I was hopeful, and for a while he was too.
Three months later, after I became comfortable with his family, his mother pulled me aside. Her first words were, “I hope my son asks you to marry him someday.” I was shocked by those words. Was she honestly saying such a thing? For just a moment I doubted if my friend had actually told his parents about his sexuality. Then I realized. His mother was truly the person I had heard about from my friend but not actually believed existed. I was silent, but she continued to speak. “He’s got such potential, and I just don’t want him to waste it on some “phase” he’s going through.He’s not gay, I promise.I just don’t know if I can love him this way.” I remember exactly what I said to her once I knew we were both on the same page. “And I thought all mother’s wanted a daughter…well here’s your chance…take it or leave it.”I was bold, but I loved my friend more than the fear of being yelled at by his mother. I wanted the satire to be strong enough to wake her up, but mellow enough to make her think. I wasn’t about to go on any tangent and change her mind by the power of my words and obvious love for her son as my best friend. I just wanted her to know exactly what she was missing.
The fact that this woman doubted the love she had for her son really broke my heart. At the bottom of her heart she wondered how much love she had for her own child. I was confused that a mother could even question such a thing. I guess my lesson from this is that nothing is impossible and not all mother’s deserve a pedestal. I’d like to believe all mothers have the ability to love her child unconditionally forever and always, but now those thoughts don’t come so naturally.
I suppose not everyone thinks like me. I guess I know just what kind of mother I’m not going to be, and that’s enough for me.