As of late, I’ve been in panic mode. I truly have prayed for a bright red panic button to help me escape the reality of my life. It’s beginning to look a lot like hell.
Yesterday I was able to spend 3 1/2 hours productively studying with a classmate at Starbucks. Maybe is was the delicious peppermint mocha. Maybe it was the flow of Christmas music, or maybe it was the fact that I was able to talk out loud about the study questions with somebody else. Either way, it was successful and for the first time in months I was reminded why I want to study law and politics. I often get a shocked face, surprised face or disgusted face when I mention to people that I studying Law. I guess you could say for a while I was trying to master something above anyone else in my immediate family. I want to be the successful one. But some kind of realization came to me that I really do love talking about the constitution and the history of the United States. It’s my passion. And for the first time in a long time I believe that I could almost do the impossible. I could accomplish my dream of being a Supreme Court Justice or even the President of the United States of America.
I have relatives that would simply laugh at the sound of that. I have relatives that somehow believe they have some kind of entitlement to tell me what to do. I get a lot of “Are you sure you want to do that?” or “We have too many lawyers in the world” and let’s not forget the famous “That’s a lot of reading and money to consider.” Are we ever really sure? Do we ever really know what we want and what we need to do? Or does it fall into place. Is it fate? I don’t care, those are details that will come without me even looking for them. I have considered it, and no matter what anyone tells me, I’m always going to do what I want to do. It’s not their life to live. It’s taken me a long road to recognize the truth in that, but I’m getting there.
I guess what I really am saying is that I’ve found that motivation I was looking for these past few months. I’m ready to start this next semester with a new passion. A new me.