I can’t make you understand.

‎”Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart.” – Mary Alice Young

I was inspired by this quote to write tonight. I’ve been haunted by the thoughts, suspicions, and ulterior motives I’ve had about my grandfather. I’ve been searching for a way to understand the kind of man he was and I haven’t tried to comprehend who he is today. I am in no way writing to say that I have forgotten the things he has done, but I’m only saying how badly I want to let go of the past. I can no longer change it; therefore, I know it’s not healthy to try and fix what’s already broken.

I”m not giving up. I just realized I can’t make him understand, like anyone else, exactly how I feel about things. I can’t make him understand why I want to educate myself. I can’t make him understand why I haven’t been around for 8 years. I can’t make him understand why I want what I want, because he doesn’t have it in him to understand.

This is something I realized with the massive help from a close relative. I’ve been hearing it for over a year now, but I’m finally listening.

I’ve decided I am no longer going to hurt myself emotionally over him anymore. It’s too much pain to bear and a reminder of the hate I once felt.

I’m planning on doing things that I can effect and change. Starting with me.

It’s hard to understand this post, without knowing my family. They are so broken, even God doesn’t know where to start. But I have faith we will all be okay.


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