The old maid.

“I have to get married by the end of this year, or I’m gonna be an old maid once I turn 21.”

Never have a heard such a statement confidently projected as I did today in the beginning of my history class today.

My first thought was, “You poor thing.” and my second thought was, “Oh yeah, I live in Utah.”

I moved to Utah 3 years ago, and became a resident about 2 years ago. I consider myself a Utahn. Yes, we are known for our terrible awful horrible driving skills, or lack thereof. But another rather infamous stereotype comes from none other than the pressures of marriage and the bearing of children. It comes, no doubtedly, from the history and settling of the mormon religion which has seeped itself into the roots and culture of the state of Utah.

I am a native of Idaho, and it’s not much different, so I’m not nearly as surprised by what this young woman spatted out randomly during class. I am however, intrigued as to why she believes it. 

I am not about to blame a church for being the soul purpose for why the majority of the college girls I attend school with have this idea that they need to get their M.R.S and make babies until the cows come home, if you catch my drift.

I do, however, believe it’s a very prominent source.

But I know that as human beings it’s natural to want to find a companion. To want to find love and acceptance. 

I also believe that many couples want to join in the commitment of marriage for sex. It’s against/frowned upon to take part in sexual intercourse before marriage. It’s completely acceptable to understand that two people faithful in their church do not want to break any promises or rules, and so they find a solution and quite possibly rush into marriage.

But I’m still stuck with why this girl thought she would be an old maid at 21. I don’t know about you, but once I’m 21, I’ll be legal for you know what, and I’m so excited to partake in that part of adulthood. Drinking, responsibly of course, and having the time of my life.

But that’s just me.

I know plenty of people who are married, with child, or children and haven’t even turn 20 yet. And that’s totally cool too. Because it’s a choice they made. And I support that, because it couldn’t have been an easy one, so I trust them that they thought long and hard about what to do. And then there are those people who don’t plan anything at all and are pushed into having a kid but are able to come to terms with the fact that they are going to be a parent and they get to make choices after that to determine their future outcomes. 

Anyway, you get my point. Life happens and you do your thing to get through. Everyone has a different story, and that’s cool. It’s more than cool, it’s amazing.

But I’m still stuck. Who told that girl she was going to be an old maid once she turned 21. Do we live in the 16th century? I didn’t think so.

As I pointed out above, we all face different circumstances in our lives that shape our future. There isn’t a deadline for marriage. There is a deadline for having children, so maybe that’s where she was coming from, saying that if she doesn’t hop on the band wagon and find someone quick she will no longer be fertile? That’s somewhat understandable, but yet I know people having children in the 40s, so maybe we can rethink that. And lets not forgot those that can’t even have children. But that’s an entirely separate story, and I’m getting off topic.

My point is, to the sweet girl frantically desperate to find a mate, you poor sweet thing. It will happen when it happens. Whether that’s at 19, or 39, etc. Please don’t call yourself an old maid at 21 and hate yourself if you don’t find the man of your dreams in the next three months. If you set a deadline like that, you’re likely to set yourself up for failure and that will only cause you pain.

I don’t know many 21 years old dying to get hitched. You’re not alone in the world. You’re just starting out your life. If you get married a month from now, great. It’s a big step and I applaud you for taking it. But if you’re two seconds past 21 and not hitched, take a drink, and relax. You’re not an old maid, just because the society around you makes it out to be an ugly monsterous horrible thing. In every other state, you’re still considered young and a viable candidate for dating. It’s not over, yet.

Hahaha, I couldn’t help myself. I just had to write a little letter. And sarcastically point out just how ridiculous, in my opinion, her logic is. If a deadline is set for such a large commitment at such a young age, I feel like she’s only setting herself up to fail. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. I plan to get married with the intention of never getting a divorce. I want to find someone who I know I will work and fight to stay with no matter what lies ahead. That means spending enough time getting to know each other and not rushing into marriage.

Then again, I’ve never been married, so maybe my point is invalid. I don’t know.

But thanks for hearing me out.


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